i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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