i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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