1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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