Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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