i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
