you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
