Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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