Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
