I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
