OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
