so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
