I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
