He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
