Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
