I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
