I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sorry my hands just texted you
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
