Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
