he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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