So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
