Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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