i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You made out with two different species that night
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
