I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
