Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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