Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
