Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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