Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
3pm strippers are depressing
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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