Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
