I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
