I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
