There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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