I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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