the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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