I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
