he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize