***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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