I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
