dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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