okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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