I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
