we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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