That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
