found the other keg... it's in the tree
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
