Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
