I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
