I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
