is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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