After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
