By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
