I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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