2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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