Will you blow on my dice?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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