she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
