capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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