just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
