i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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