whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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