Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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