Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
