Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
