chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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