My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
