I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
