I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ketchup is God's man juice
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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