; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
