so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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