I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
