If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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