My Higher Power is John Stamos
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
