She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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