His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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