...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
