if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
